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Movie reviews, suggested movies for musicians to view, etc

Movie, Review, Zombies

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

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Wait — what — “Thor / Ragnarok” is a zombie film?!?

Uh … YEAH!

Remember when Hela, Thor’s older evil sister played by Cate Blanchett, raised the former soldiers of Asgard?

Yep … ZOMBIES!

The undead Asgardian army (or more appropriately the Berserker Army makes Thor: Ragnarok a zombie film.  Considering that most modern Z-films have ‘infected’ zombies, these ones being raised by Hela’s powers (magic, whatever) is closer to the original voo doo zombies.

Draugr
Who’s a pretty boy?

Frankly, as zombie films go … I have to rate this one Yellow Puss.  It’s a considerably bad-ass movie, but the zombies have too little to do with it.  In fact, I think they were only shown about twice in the film.  They didn’t even particularly seem to have anything to do with the Norse concept of zombies — better known as a Draugr.

The Old Norse meaning of Draugr is a revenant.  The details of these buggers and their abilities are many.  In simple terms, they are animated corpses with physical bodies and similar physical abilities as in life.  Draugrs have superhuman strength, are able to increase their size at will, and give off the stench of decay … basically it’s a cross between a 2 year old and a teenager.  How do I know this?  Because they guard what they treasure, wreak havoc on living beings, or torment those who wronged them in life …. in other words, their parents.  Don’t believe me?  Well, they also have the ability to enter into the dreams of the living.  They live in their grave or burial mound, usually guarding the treasure that was interred with them.  When they do rise from their grave, they come out as wisps of smoke and “swim” through solid rock.

Sparkles
Keep in mind — Thor is “The God of Thunder” … but Disney makes him “The God of LIGHTENING”

Now — I’m telling you — a film with these zombies would be INCREDIBLE …. and frankly, in this regard Thor / Ragnarok fell severely short.  Sorry Disney … I guess you don’t just screw up Star Wars films (specifically TLJ / ROS) — you screw up Marvel films as well.

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Movie, Review, Zombies

Night of the Living Dead (1990)

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Night Of The Living Dead 1990“They’re coming to get you, Bar-bara!”  You loved the original “Night Of The Living Dead“ and you’ll get a kick out of the re-make.  Quite frankly, I’m not quite sure what to make of this at first — probably because I thought it had some 1980s camp to it, and then it grew on me.  So let’s break this down…

The 1968 “Night Of The Living Dead“ is not only a cult favourite, it feels like it has some vintage class due to the black & white filming.  The 1990 version — made by the same group of people who made the original — has a presence that feels real.  Patricia Tallman plays Barbara — and instead of being the wilting flower in the 1968 film (played of course by Judith O’Dea), Tallman is more of a Sigourney Weaver / Warrant Officer Ripley character from the 1979 film “Alien“.

Patricia Tallman
Patricia Tallman as get-tough Barbara

What really did it for me about this version of Night Of The Living Dead is that it came across as a study of how people might react in a crisis — both good and bad.  In particular, their retractions with respects to those who dig down and do what they need to do to survive.  While it did have some instant-Rambo elements among the characters (bad Hollywood, BAD HOLLYWOOD!), it had some true grit.  Once I saw past the 1980s-ish camp-vibe, I liked the film — I give it a Light Green Ooze rating! LIVING

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Movie, Review, Zombies

The Night Eats the World (2018)

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The Night Eats The World MOVIE POSTERFrankly, I’m not sure how to rate the French-made zombie film “The Night Eats The World” — Green Ooze or Yellow Puss?!?  From the looks of the set, the considerable number of zombie extras not to mention their make-up and training, there seems to be some money behind this.  It mostly has just one actor, however — and he’s good, don’t get me wrong — but when a film does the artsy focal on one lone-character story … is that an artistic thing or lack-of-funding thing?

One man against the world … and zombies … armed with a drum.

So, the story starts out with this hipsterish guy in Paris showing up at his now ex-girlfriend’s big house-party to get his most sacred of personal effects (cassette tapes with noise-music he’s made) when she does the “Let’s Be Friends” thing with her new boyfriend with a better beard wrapped around her like corndog breading.

Let’s be friends …. LIAR!

When she insists that he ought to stick-around and hang out (AKA brushing him off), hipster ex-boyfriend goes pensive and waits around for his stuff instead of dude’ing up, asking for his STUFF and NOW so he can GTF out of there and on with his sappy life.  He locks himself in one of her rooms and falls asleep.  When he wakes up the next morning he leaves the room to find that her flat is a wreck.  He seems to be thinking “It must have been some night … but can I get my STUFF now and get on with my life, PLEASE.”  Then come the zombies, he’s apparently the only one alive, and he locks himself in the building — surviving on the former tenants’ food stocks and a shotgun with an endless supply of ammo.  But that’s only the beginning of the story …

He initially has one of those awkward “I’m secure with myself but no one believes it” beards … don’t worry, he later shaves it off … which might be a part of his character arc.

The film then becomes a touchy-feely interpersonal-view of one guy’s loneliness.  In other words, it’s “Home Alone” but with far less laughs, more zombies, and one bought of shaving.

meow
See — even zombies get their heads cut off in pictures …

So was The Night Eats The World a
bad, okay, or a great film?

The DVD box touts on the cover …

“The most innovative zombie movie since Shaun Of The Dead“
– Indiewire

I’m not buying it!  In content these are two very different films; in context … yeah, okay …. maybe.  The quotes on the back of the case by Bloody Disgusting, AV Club, and Dread Central range from “possibly accurate” to “I think somebody got bribed”.

The film description on the back of the DVD case is blaughze’, poorly written, and arguably inaccurate.  To me, the title doesn’t apparently have anything to do with the story.  The promotional photos make this look like more of a straightforward zombie-fight gore-fest when in reality it’s more of … I don’t know, an art film?!?

In the end, all I can say about The Night Eats The World is … is it “Good”, yes …. but is it “Great” …. sorry, no.  I think you’re better off getting a copy of my book followed by making some cookies, and re-watching Shaun Of The Dead

The Night Eats The World LINKS

Movie, Review, Zombies

Overlord (2018)

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Overlord 2018Frankly, I’m not 100% sure the 2018 D-Day film Overlord is a zombie film.  But, given all that encompasses how-zombies-come-to-be in films these days, I’m not 100% sure it isn’t.  So I’m reviewing Overlord just to make sure it’s covered.

The basic premise of Overlord is that on the eve of D-Day, as some of the pre-invasion sabotage work that was planned and performed, a paratrooper squad is sent to destroy a German radio tower located in an old church. Their plane is shot down and crashes, and a contingency of the remaining squad continues forward with the mission.  As they head toward the village where the church is located they run into Chloe — a young French woman who is a badass.  As the few paratroopers work their way into the church, they find that it’s not just a Nazi radio location but that they’ve been conducting extensive experiments in the basement.

Backpacking through Europe

I’ll stop here to avoid any spoilers — but in truth you really can’t state any spoilers about this film BECAUSE WE’VE ALL SEEN THIS BEFORE.

A badass with a flamethrower that is!

The film stars a bunch of people whom we’ve never really seen.  They do a fine job at acting and it’s nice to see unfamiliar faces — otherwise this would have starred Ray Stevenson, John Turturro, and/or Tom Sizemore.  In addition, it has directors and writers and people we don’t know … but the one familiar name is J.J. Abrams.  I draw attention to this because I’m surprised his name is at all attached to this!

This film is familiar and predictable.  Apparently it had a budget of $38 million … off hand … I don’t know why.  I think they were going for a 1960s-1970s film noir thing — and they nailed it without all the dead-space that Quentin Tarantino fluffs his films with — and I think they were going for a B-movie feel, and it works in that way.  But $38 MILLION?!?  And here I thought governments were wa$teful!!! Seriously, this film ought to have been made for half with about $20 million going to creating jobs.  And yet, it made $41.9 million at the box office … which $4M is a lot of money … but for films with this sort of budget, my understanding is that profiting so little makes it a financial flop.

Castle Wolfenstein
Remember this?

Frankly — speaking of Ray Stevenson — although it takes place in modern-day, I think Outpost (2008) was a better film.  I could see Overlord as a  back-story film, and it sure as hell would be better than Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz (2013), which WAS the disaster of a backstory to the 2008 film.  I could see Overlord as a different project in-line with the initial Outpost project … kind of like a back-backstory.  That for me is the only real saving grace for this film!  In the end, it looks like a rip-off mishmash of Outpost and Castle Wolfenstein without paying for the rights to either.

And that’s not even going into the gross historic WWII inaccuracies built into this film — most of which was to make the PC-crowd not loose their self-righteous factless minds.  On the whole, I give this film a Yellow Puss rating.

Good News – There’s no way to make an Overlord 2
… hopefully.

I will add — there are cool special effects shots at the beginning of this film when planes are flying into France and at the end when its star, Jovan Adepo as Boyce, does a one-shot running out of the laboratory/church.

One Shot
When you see this, count your blessings, the film over!

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Movie, Review, Zombies

The Cured (2018)

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Is it just me or does that guy look like a vampire?

The Maze Virus came and outbreak followed — but what happens when the infected are cured and returned to being human? That’s the question The Cured asks … or at least eventually does … I guess?

I learned of The Cured from a preview. My understanding was that this was another zombie film, and as I started watching it I wasn’t sure if it was zombies or vampires. Checking the DVD case clarified things:

“In a world ravaged for years by a virus that turns the infected into zombie-like cannibals, a cure is at last found and the wrenching process of reintegrating the survivors back into society begins.”

So — let’s clarify — if the ‘monsters’ are ‘zombie-like’ then they weren’t zombies. The sentence does say that they were ‘cannibals’ … so I guess this is a post-cannibal virus-apocalypse film and not technically a zombie film — but just to be safe, I’m going to review it as a Z-film.

Let’s start with the fact that …

Satellite image of Ireland
Ireland — it’s small

My library considers this a “Horror” film. I would call it a drama, that eventually has a modicum of horror, and then goes back to drama. And at that it is a dower drama film … which takes place in Ireland … because historically Ireland needs more dower.

Paula Malcomson

The film stars Ellen Page acting as Abbie, who is an American woman in Ireland for no apparent reason that I can tell except to better sell this film to American audiences***. It has other Irish actors that did great but I don’t recognize their names, and they have lighter Irish accents which I suspect also helps to sell this film to American audiences. Lastly, it has Paula Malcomson as Dr. Lyons … which really doesn’t matter, or the fact that she has a light accent that’s good for American audiences. What’s cool about Paula Malcomson being in this film is having seen her as Amanda Graystone in the new Battlestar Galactica spin-off series Caprica.  By the way, I remember hearing her in one of the Caprica episode commentaries and she is HILARIOUS!

What I do like about this film is that — for the most part — it takes a very different approach to telling a cannibal story … remember, these are “zombie-like cannibals”, but for the moment let’s say that it is a zombie story (which I’ll come back to). This is after the hordes, after the apocalypse, it is during a time that people are rebuilding — and in z-films that’s, well … I can’t think of another film I’ve seen that does that. Also, there was a virus — and a cure was discovered that worked for about 75% of the infected people … which is 100% more cure than other z-films I’ve seen. The story-tellers use of ‘the virus’ approach to zombies quite possibly makes the most sense yet — it makes people mindless cannibalistic pack-hunters as opposed to other zombie-virus films where folks get the virus/infection and essentially go wild.

HERE’S A SPOILER

There is a point where the virus and infected reemerge, a new round of chaos briefly rampages through the streets (before turning back into a dower drama). Had that been 80% of this film rather than the maybe 20% and they replaced Ellen Page, this might have been my new favourite over 28 Days Later.

But no …

SPOILER OVER
Time For My Conclusion

This film holds a moderate rating at IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic. With me, that would be about right – it’s a thinking-viewer’s zombie film, it’s a drama zombie film, it’s dower, and it’s too Ellen Pagey. I am somewhat generously giving The Cured my moderate score of Yellow Puss — there are too many things that didn’t work for me, but in many ways it is a well made film.

LINKS for The Cured

The Cured at Wikipedia, IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic.  Better yet, go read a book, re-watch 28 Days Later, re-watch the new Battlestar Galactica or Caprica if you haven’t seen it, or buy a copy of my recipe book on Amazon and make some cookies.

*** The other mistake about Ellen Page acting in this film is that she’s Ellen Page. She’s barely more interesting to watch than that boring chick in the Twilight films. Remember — the brunette that has the same paralytic facial expression for every emotion — you know, the lead actress?!? I get the impression that the way HolloWood works these days is that an actor or actress rises through the ranks — not because they’re good at acting because most of them aren’t, so they’re elevating some other way — and HolloWood milks as much as they can out of that person until they have a few too many flops or the individual has a personal & public melt-down that’s too big to handle. When it comes to Ellen Page and “The Cured”, I got the sense that she was in this film because she’s just big enough to get attention for the film but not as so big that the Irish filmmakers couldn’t afford her. Furthermore, when it comes to reading about Ellen Page’s personal life and her “I know better than everyone else” high & mighty millennial attitude … quite frankly, were she and I in the same room … I don’t think I could politely excuse myself and exit stage left fast enough.

Movie, Review, Zombies

The Dead (2010)

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For starters, I have to say that I’m surprised that this tile wasn’t already used by some previous zombie film. Maybe it was and I’m just not aware of it, but let’s get into it, shall we?

RATING – Yellow Puss, nearly Green Ooze – The Dead is an interesting film among Z-films.

Somewhere off the coast of war-torn West Africa a plane-load of American soldiers are evacuating.  The plane crashes in an area where the night before a horde of zombies attacked villages through the area — and US military engineer, Lieutenant Brian Murphy, is the only survivor.

With no other options and limited resources,  Lieutenant Murphy starts to walk his way out of the country. Yeah, it’s The Journey, but for this film it works rather well. Amid a country of zombies there are very few humans — often called ‘survivors‘ — and our engineer finds and teams up with a regional soldier, Daniel, who is gone AWOL and looking for his son.  In time, Daniel asks Brian to locate his son.  And that’s all I’ll tell you about this as to not give any spoilers….

If National Geographic made a zombie film, it would look like this…

Here’s the thing about this film and my review — call it a confession if you will — I did not get to write my review after watching it, and I had a lot of good things to say during the viewing. Once I got around to writing I got very busy with Xmas holiday stuff and touring the state of Washington as a guest player with a Celtic-rock band — I did not have time to re-watch and better-write my review, but I will tell you this …

Remember kids, always brush your teeth.

This film has an unexpected element and rather different charactre among Z-films. It wasn’t a great film but it was a good film, and frankly it was hard not to give it a Green Ooze rating. It also gives some beautiful views of parts of Burkina Faso and Ghana. If you are a zombie film fan, The Dead is a must-watch.

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Addendum

Yes — an ADDENDUM!  Why?  Because I wrote and published this before, and somehow it survived a hard drive crash I had, but it didn’t originally get posted when I moved my website.  ANYWAY… Take a look at the Wikipedia page for this film regarding the production — it’s nearly amazing the film even got made…

The cast and crew encountered many problems.  Shooting was planned for 6 weeks — it took 12!  First there was a delay in shipping the equipment to Africa which added 3 weeks.  The lead actor, Rob Freeman, contracted malaria and almost died in the middle of filming.  Additional delays were caused by major damage to camera equipment.  Howard J. Ford — one of the directors — later published a book, titled Surviving the Dead (2012), that detailed the troubled production.

Commentary, Movie, Zombies

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

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It seems that this is a review I lost with my hard drive crash nearly 2 years ago.  Here’s news — you’re not missing anything — nothing in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and nothing with my review.  If a film doesn’t register with you, it’s hard to review it — so what would you read from that?  ANSWER – me, annoyed.

Anyway, I’m working from memory here, so let’s get started…

Colour Rating — Yellow Puss or Red Blood … whatever …

I haven’t read Pride and Prejudice, I have had no plans to, and after this film I am further not interested.  It’s amusing that Seth Grahame-Smith could write a quirky parody mashup (published 2009) combining the 1813 Jane Austen‘s classic novel with elements of modern zombie fiction, but mostly I just found it snooty and boring — I couldn’t get in to it.  When they showed the action stuff, it worked for me, but all otherwise it was the whos-in-love-with-whom Jane-Austen-junk my mother warned me about.

Not a gore-fest, this Z-film was a SNORE-fest!

There was clearly a lot of money behind this film, and one good thing I can say about it is that I’m sure it will perturb the Jane Austen purists.  Hopefully, it will be at least a little fun that it was re-envisioned.  For me though, coming from the zombie-film fan perspective . . . something was lost with this to capture the the zombie-fan demographic.

Conclusion…

If you’re a Pride-Prejudice/Austen fan and you’re open-minded — go for it.  If you’re a zombie-fan and you want to make sure you’ve watched EVERY zombie related film, well … good luck.  If you’re a die-hard zombie-film fan …. don’t bother.

LINKS to help you sleep

Movie, Review, Zombies

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005)

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It should be no surprise that that Day of the Dead 2: Contagium  rings in as another Yellow Puss.  Probably it should be Red Blood.  I’ll tell you what I have to say about this film, but first please read these which I found under “Reception” on Wikipedia….

Peter Dendle called DOTD2 Contagium a “boring, transparent feature” that was “forgotten almost as soon as it was released”.

Steve Barton of Dread Central rated it 0/5 stars and wrote, “This is a sequel in name only, created solely to generate revenue from ill informed fans.” Contagium

Joseph Savitski of Beyond Hollywood wrote that the film “is not only an exercise in incompetence, but also a blatant attempt at false advertising.”

Dennis Prince of DVD Verdict wrote, “There is no warning too strong that would urge you to avoid this DVD at all costs.”

So what does BagpiperDon think of Contagium?

Bearing in mind that this film hand a whole whopping $1M budget in 2005 — that should already tell you that this is a nothing film.  It was confusing as to the significance in light of the 1985 “Day of the Dead” not to mention the “Day of the Dead” from 2008.  It seems like a film that wants to have a few good new ideas to the genre.  Also, it had the fun of being a simple, low-budget Z-film ….. but in the end… it’s a waste of time.

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Movie, Review, Zombies

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

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Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave (2005)

Initial release: October 15, 2005

A college student distills a ghoulish party drug from a compound used to create brain-hungry zombies.

Apparently I didn’t exactly write a review for this film.  So, what’s the rating — Green Ooze, Yellow Puss, or Red Blood?  I don’t know — watch it yourself and you decide.

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Movie, Review, Zombies

Juan of the Dead (2011)

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Juan of the Dead, Juan de los MuertosJuan Of The Dead (AKA Juan de los Muertos) is fun Spanish-Cuban zombie comedy.  If you’re like me, you just gotta appreciate a Z-film that shows its first zombie kill in under three minutes into the story. Oh yeah, it may be a new record!

Without any explanation zombies appear in Cuba and start eating people.  Middle-aged slacker Jaun, along with his fellow small-time crooks and deadbeats, take to the streets of Havana to face an army of the undead.  Emergency news reports are broadcast amid the chaos…  The surge of living-dead have been identified as ‘dissidents’ revolting against the Cuban government.  The regime accuses the USA for the attack.  Everything is under control even when nothing is being done.  Seeing opportunity, Jaun gathers and trains his friends to be zombie killers and starts a business called “Juan Of The Dead — We’ll kill your loved ones”.

For those familiar with the Cuban regime and its people, the movie is a hard critic to both — which is why it was never released in Cuba and apparently was only shown on-screen at film festivals.  Juan Of The Dead attempts to mock every cinematic clichés (daughter hating father, friend about to die, farewell , even Matrix-style fights).  The nuances of Cuban humor can get lost-in-translation to non-Spanish speakers — for example — in one of the most celebrated jokes, Juan is asked to kill a cow but he refuses because it is too dangerous; In Cuba killing a cow is worse crime than killing people.

Zombie film fans will will be pleasantly surprised with this film especially with seeing fun nods to Shaun Of The Dead.  There was one thing I saw in particular that I have seen in another zombie film*.  The film is in Spanish and subtitled — sorry, no over-dubs.  This film is Not Rated, and aside from the zombie gore and violence there is some nudity (including z-film boobs) and adult humor/topics.  Oh — and how do I rate Juan Of The Dead ? … Light Green to full Green.
(*Select this line to read the spoiler –> Underwater zombies walking on the ocean floor that seem to be able to swim up if it means getting a bite … though that bite could come from a shark!  Oh yeah, this was also done in Pirates Of The Caribbean. <– all the way to here)

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