Tag Archives: Firefly

Joe Pickett by C.J. Box – Book to Screen

Joe Pickett C.J. Box CJ Box
C.J. Box’s “Joe Pickett” … starring a bunch of nobodys

Have you picked up on the Joe Pickett TV series on Amazon Prime?  I just did last night.  Having already made my way through three-quarters of the current available books … I gotta tell ya … the Joe Pickett TV series is a hotdog!

I’ll explain what I mean by ‘a hotdog’ — but first, I need to back-up a little …

Ten-plus years ago I couldn’t be less interested in Westerns.  I had seen few such movies or TV shows — as far as I was concerned, they were okay — but for the most part … they didn’t catch my interest.  Then, one evening, one of my piping students turned me on to westerns.  He had received his first set of bagpipes — and new pipes need a lot of work to get set up right — so I suggested that we book an evening where he brought his instrument, snacks and a stack of movies.  We watched True Grit (remake) and Appaloosaand I was HOOKED!  (Or maybe ‘roped in’ is more genre correct?)  I have since come to not just enjoy but also value this section of the big-screen selection.

(Side Note — In my new exploration, I’ve found the source of scenes and characters in Firefly from Westerns and other Sci-Fi movies.)

Longmire Craig Johnson
Craig Johnson’s “Longmire” staring Robert Taylor, Katee Sackhoff, and Lou Diamond Phillips

In more recent years, I was given solid recommendations about the Longmire TV series, so I bookmarked the seasons in my To-Watch List.  These kept getting passed over, and a few years ago I decided to give them a try.  With the first few episodes I COULDN’T GET ENOUGH!  I fairly well binge-watched  the seasons back-to-back.

Once through the TV series, I wanted more — yep, I loved  watching Longmire!  So I thought to give the original Craig Johnson books a try.  I soon found that the TV show and the source material had little to do with each other.  Book one, in my opinion, was so miserable I didn’t want to give the second book a chance — I had excitedly downloaded them all from my library, and I  remorselessly deleted the entire collection.  Sorry, Craig — them’s the breaks!

Still, I wanted more Longmire’ism … a modern western based around a flawed yet well oriented good-guy, finding his way through life while striving for justice in the face of complex moral situations controlled by underhanded, devious bad-guys.

A short time later, I was given the suggestion to try the Joe Pickett books by C.J. Box — a few beautifully descriptive lines were even read to me, and I soon dove into the debut story.  The work quickly revealed that the stories are thought provoking and well paced between exposition and thrills.  The main character is easy to enjoy and endearing in his foibles.  Box writes pleasing storylines with an array of characters — better than that are his beautiful descriptions, usually presenting a moment in nature.  I wanted something like Longmire, and I began to find this in the Joe Pickett books with a whole new character to appreciate.

(Side Note — C.J. Box’s ability to release one book a year in chronological story order — book #1 in 2001, book #2 in 2002, and so on — has also been impressive.)

(Additional Side Note — I think the Longmire TV series ‘borrowed’ story elements from the Joe Pickett books to make what they couldn’t out of the Longmire stories.  There are too many things in Season 01 that are identical in the early C.J. Box books … or to say, too similar to be a coincidence.)

Jesse Stone Robert B. Parker
Robert B. Parker’s “Jesse Stone”, starring Tom Selleck

As I progressed through the books — in my case, I have been consuming the audiobooks — I thought that this character and these stories would make for a good TV series.  Or maybe a couple of good quality movies … maybe made-for-TV, similar to the Jesse Stone installments.  What better time than now to feature a down-to-earth do-right family-man through a “neo-western“.

Around the release of book 22 or 23 I picked up that these Joe Pickett was going to get made into a TV series — I was thrilled!  Someone read my mind, came up with a bunch of production money, and were on their way to fulfil my wish — that was considerate of them!

Jack Carr James Reese The Terminal List
Jack Carr’s “The Terminal List”, starring Chris Pratt

Last evenings I finished Season 01 of the Jack Carr / James Reese / Terminal List on Amazon Prime — books 1 through 5 and the recently released 6 had been GREAT!  Out of curiosity, I scrolled down through the TV series listings and … to my surprise … happened to find the “Joe Pickett” TV series!  I had been expecting to wait and hear more about my favourite fictional game warden hitting screens, and IT’S ALREADY BEEN MADE!!!

Clicking the link, I was excited to see that Season 01 is available now through 30June2023, and I’m right in time for the release of Season 02 on 04July2023!  Between last night and today, I watched through the first 3 episodes of Season 01.  Before finishing Episode 01 I found myself frankly disappointed.  In my opinion … the Joe Pickett TV series is terrible — I forced myself to finish Episode 03 — and I’m giving up on the show.

The Expanse James S.A. Corey Sci-Fi
James S. A. Corey’s “The Expanse”, starring a bunch of people you don’t know — but the show is so incredibly great YOU DON’T CARE!

Like books, just because you start a TV series doesn’t mean you are required to finish it.  Each of us only live so long, and if the book you’re reading isn’t pleasing … move on to another.  I have better things to watch — like The Expanse, which I’ve also been reading (audiobook) — and my viewing time is better spent with something that I find makes me happy.  So in this case, I’d rather preserve perception of Joe Picket that I have from the books than the garbage the producers are trying to pass-off as the TV show.

I think this IMDB review does a good job of introducing the conflict …


DiCaprioFan13 / 4 October 2022

“Joe Pickett is a must watch for any western fan. It seems most people who’ve watched it seem to really like it. The only people who seem not to like it are fans of the book that are mad that it isn’t exactly like the book.


Yosemite Sam‘Not exactly the same as the book’ … really, how hard is it to get a modern-day story based in reality reasonably correct?  The book started at an exciting moment that would have been a great hook for the TV show — NOPE, they didn’t do that!  The pistol Joe Pickett is carrying is the wrong type, but I guess strapping a revolver on him makes more of a Western impression?  Giving TV-Joe the less-expensive problematic truck that book-Joe distinctly complained about was not good enough for the production budget?  Fitting TV-Joe with the dog that book-Joe doesn’t get until much-later in the series does … what … win cute-points with the unfamiliar audience?  Putting the Pickett family in a nicer (2-story) house on a better piece of property located outside of town was somehow more TV-savvy?  In the books, the (single-story, cramped) crummy house provided through his low-paying state job speaks to his humility and his wife’s love of Joe superseding materialism.  I should also mention that his mother-in-law, Missy, is all wrong and April (their adopted daughter) arrives too early.

For me though, this isn’t the crux of the issue — this isn’t why I find it disappointing, or why another viewer like DiCaprioFan13 might think that Joe Pickett book readers are somehow ‘angry’.
(Not to mention that it seems DiCaprioFan13 makes redundant use of “it seem/s”, seemingly in close proximity … doesn’t it seem like that would make someone itch?)

So what do I mean when I say that
the Joe Pickett TV series is a hotdog”?

hotdog
There comes a point where you just can’t bring yourself to eat these things anymore…

Have you ever heard the humor-intended line about what hotdogs are made of?  At the end of the work-day in a butcher’s shop, the butcher sweeps the floor, and what they collect in their dust pan is what they use to make hotdogs — dirt, dust, and discarded bits of bone and meat … or what previously looked like something edible.

I will 100% own that I am biased by the C.J. Box / Joe Pickett books.  Yes, I am one of the fans of the books who are unhappy — not because the show ‘isn’t exactly like the book‘, but because it is such a terribly missed opportunity at making a good TV series out of a good book series.

Michael Dorman
Have you seen this man …. ANYWHERE?!?

The collection of actors in the show seem to be C, D, E, and F-List nobodys — most of whom I have never seen, including the lead played by Michael Dorman.  The choices someone made for the characters — the changes loosely based on the books — has turned them into amateurish versions of the characters.  This book series seems to have received the same wacko-treatment Disney has been applying to Star Wars since buying the franchise — changing the characters for agenda-driven reasons instead of serving the previously developed story, and telling the established fanbase what they should like.

My general impression of Joe in the books is that he is more more … manly … than the Joe actor in the TV series.  I’m not saying he’s duke-dashing with a chiseled physique and Tom Selleck’s chest carpet, but somehow more … masculine.  I don’t know how better to say it, but this guy seems like a +90% self-doubting beta-male.  When you are familiar with the characters in the books, and see how they’re changed in the TV show … one could easily form the impression that specific choices were made in attempt to satiate the new politically-correct mob.

Freedom Arms Model 83 .500 WE
Big Bad bah-dah BOOM!

In the books, Joe and his wife are a team — he confides in her, and she places her trust in him.  However, in the TV show, Marybeth steers Joe.  Nate Romanowski in the books is a ruggedly handsome, tall, blond, white man, former special forces.  Alternatively, in the TV show Nate is “… one part mystic, one part hardened criminal. He was a survivalist who (lives) off the grid deep in the woods …” and is played by a black man (and not the only character who has undergone such changes, clearly for the sake of ardent “Political Correctness!”).  When Joe meets Nate, he conducts himself more like a ghetto gangster than the way any former special forces soldier would — brandishing a pistol that doesn’t appear to be the celebrated Freedom Arms Model 83 .500 WE Nate is famous for in the books (until switching to another similar revolver around book 12).

C.J. Box
C.J. Box … YEE-HAWWW!!!

Supposedly there are funny bits in the TV show that weren’t in the books.  Three episodes and I never caught one of those.  Is there a guide that tells viewers where those are?  I mean, it makes sense, right — the producers are already telling you what you should think society should be like … so why not this funny-bits guide, too?  Frankly, were I C.J. Box, I’d feel worse about this show than finding out I had permanent podium / lectern and basic geographical errors in my books*.
(* see below)

I have no idea what C.J. Box’s opinion is of the Joe Pickett TV series.  Maybe he likes it, or — and I wouldn’t be surprised — maybe he’s contractually obligated to say he approves of it.  But personally I’m sorry for him, and I’m sorry for Joe Pickett.  Compared to the books, the TV show is a hotdog — floor sweepings, collected up and shoved into a casing, sold as being ‘good for you’ when really its* only worth being dumped into the garbage.
(* that was intentional)


podium
People stand on podiums
Speakers stand at or behind lecterns

I would be remiss if I didn’t say there have been a few things that have made me twitch from the Joe Pickett books.

Recently I started book #15.  It was only just before this that C.J. Box, his editor, or his wife seemed to get the difference between a podium and a lectern corrected — although in American English “podium” has sadly come to mean “lectern” through  further dumbing-down of the language.  Here’s a tip — DO NOT STAND ON A LECTERN — it’s dangerous, you could get hurt.  I know I won’t make that mistake a third time.  Alternatively, under most circumstances, it should be safe to speak standing behind a podium.

Paul Bunyan Babe the blue ox
Recent photo from Bremerton, WA

One or more geographical errors would have been corrected if someone just looked at a map.  While reading (listening to) an early book, I laughed sardonically when some hitmen were approaching Bremerton, WA ‘from the east’ driving their SUV, arriving in a logging town full of modern lumberjacks in a bar.  Apparently this SUV has some sort of non-factory amphibious feature — pontoons perhaps?  I presume the nearby US Navy base would like to know about this technology.  I also suspect it’s the United States Navy that is hiding all those lumberjacks, too!  The secret is now out … you read it here first at BagpiperDon.com … Area 51 hides the flying saucers and aliens, while the Bremerton Navy base hides all the loggers!

amphibious vehicle
We’re headed to Bremerton, boys!

 

Return of the Living Dead III, The (1993)

The Return of the Living Dead III (1993)The Return of the Living Dead III (1993) was neither a terrible or great zombie movie, so I rate it Yellow Puss.  But first, what happened…

A teen uses an Army chemical to revive his dead girlfriend after a motorcycle accident.

Watch out -- GIRL GERMS!

Okay, it was a little more complex than that.  Government scientists are trying to use the 2-4-5 Trioxin substance from previous films to re-animate the dead for military use.  Curt, the teenage son of the program director, comes to learn of the process.  Later he and his girlfriend, Julie, get into an accident while riding his motorcycle — during which she dies.  Grief-stricken, Curt uses some Trioxin to bring Julie back to life.  He then helps Julie deal with her new existence as military agents and local gang members try to track them down — and Julie becomes … Hungry for BRAINS.

Trust us, we’re from the government.

Oh My Ghod - TIME TO FREAK OUT!The Return of the Living Dead III bears little resemblance to its predecessors — for better and for worse.  It drops the comedy in the previous films, replacing it with horror, science fiction, and romance. The Trioxin substance is carried over, but with different effects than in the previous films.  These zombies infect their victims by biting them whereas in the previous films only exposure to Trioxin (as a gas or in exposed water) could turn a corpse into a zombie.

skinny ass zombie

Remember at the beginning of this post where I wrote that I viewed this as neither a terrible or great Zombie movie?  It was campy, it was made for around $2M and flopped at the US box office making only $54,207, and much of the delivery could have been better timed.

To its credit however…. the film offered a few a few new things to me from zombie films.

If you have read my other posts you know that I generally dislike when Z-films make cognizant zombies.  In The Return of the Living Dead III the film presents a reasonable way that a zombie could have though, could have awareness, and could speak.

yum yum yumOne of the main characters — Julie, played by Mindy Clarke or better known as Melinda Clarke — becomes the zombie, and the story follows her experience.  Instead of an anonymous mass of zombies being a looming threatening presence that occasionally comes around to move the story along, this zombie is always present and is not exactly the ‘evil’ in the mix of the story. There are other zombie films I am aware of that follow a main-character zombie, however I have not yet seen one of these.

Piercings are pretty, right?the next fadThe zombie is female and remains (well, more or less) attractive.  She has awareness of her past and present emotions, and that she has started having problems with sensing any sensation when she touches something.  In her confusion she begins to modify her body with first small and then large piercings (which was all the rage yet around that time) which ultimately she can use as weapons.

hubba-hubba
Yes, Ms. Nandi!

Also if you have read my other posts you know that I make commentary on gratuitous displays of women’s’ breasts.  Let’s be clear on something here …. it’s not that I mind or dislike women’s breasts — being a heterosexual male, I prefer them.  Gratuitous display of women’s breasts are common in zombie films BECAUSE IT TENDS TO HELP SELL TICKETS in a genre that is often low-budget and not as attractive to ticket-buying audience members.  Seeing a lot of these films, I’ve seen a lot of these breasts, and it just gets old — okay?!?  That said….

And this ... this is my BOOM STICK!
Ms. Nandi says DON’T MESS WITH MS. NANDI OR HER PEOPLE!!!

In The Return of the Living Dead III you see Julie/Melinda Clarke’s 24 year-old human and zombie breasts.  Rare, if ever, have I seen female zombie breasts.  As zombies go, they weren’t disgusting.  As humans go …. uh, yeah, better still.  (And if you REALLY need to see Julie/Melinda Clarke’s zombie breasts, FINE, here ya go … ya wanker.)

Now that that’s over with…

I think she's dead
She played a dead chick in Firefly “Heart Of Gold” too

Now, you might be asking yourself “Who is Melinda Clarke?” and/or “Why is BagpiperDon drawing so much attention to this chick?!?”  The answer to that is simple — she may be the only person from this film who made it ANYWHERE in the TV/film industry.  Quite frankly, I didn’t recognize her in this Return of the Living Dead.  I know her from a number of things — I’ve seen her, recognized her, but I’ve never known who she is.  I know Melinda Clarke from the 2002/03 Firefly TV series as Nandi “Heart of Gold”. I’ve seen her as Lady Heather in CSI.  Any time I’ve seen her she’s played stable-footed woman who is a palpable presence.

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Quick and The Undead, The (2006)

You can't tell me that this doesn't look like an angry cowboy monkey
!!!ANGRY COWBOY MONKEY!!!

So far as I’m aware, The Quick And The Undead is one of two movies that combine the themes of zombies and cowboys — the other one being Undead or Alive (2007), which is a much better film.  As for this one . . .

A viral outbreak has turned three quarters of the world population into the walking dead. In the old west, bounty hunters are humanity’s only salvation.

So I’m watching The Quick And The Undead while writing this review.  I’ll be finished in about an hour, and I predict I’m going to say two things:

1) It’s impressive what a person can do with their friends as “actors”, a $20 digital video camera from a liquidator store, a used Macintosh, and a few spare weekends.  But who knows, maybe there’s someone in this before they got famous.  Heck, Marisa Tomei had a no-nothing part in The Toxic Avenger — it wasn’t seen until the release of the director’s cut was released 20-odd years later, but look where she got.

 . . . AND . . .
If I just do this one film I'll be FAMOUS in HolloWood
Best friends

2) I’m glad I watched The Quick And The Undead before Undead or AliveThe Quick And the Undead would probably be a bigger roach to watch following Undead or Alive.

So how did this gem come to be?

This is worse than it looks
Sneakers, t-shirt, arm band tattoo, a town that’s not old …. REALLY …. did ya guys even try?!?

Written, directed, and acted by people you’ve never heard of with a movie poster that looks like an angry cowboy monkey.  The main character is based on (read “ripped-off”) Clint Eastwood and the characters he played in westerns.  Yep, it’s a turd — I rate The Quick And The Undead as pure Red Blood, and it made my List Of Zombie Films To AVOID.

CONCLUSION

Instead of watching The Quick and the Undead, look at this Angry Cowboy Monkey … and then go re-watch Firefly (TV show, 2002) and Serenity (follow-up film, 2005).

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